For many of us, Thanksgiving will look different this year.

Every year, we've had a big family gathering at my aunt's house for Thanksgiving. My uncle spends the day in the kitchen, the kids hang out upstairs, and the dog wanders around asking for food and pets. Everyone else drifts around downstairs to socialize and snack on appetizers before the big meal.

Most of my Thanksgiving memories are set in that house. One year, we all did the Mannequin Challenge. Another year, my sister ate so much turkey that she threw up. Last year, we went around the table with fun facts (for the first time) and got to know each other better. And every year, I regret eating so much dinner when I see the barrage of desserts come out. I stuff myself with pie anyway.

This will be the first year without that.

I'm glad that I can at least travel home for Thanksgiving with my immediate family. I'll be eating in a separate room, but I'll take what I can get.

We can take these obstacles and grow from them.

When I was younger, I didn't really know what gratitude felt like. I grew up living a privileged life in a white upper-middle-class town. Now that I've seen and done more, I understand what gratitude means.

This year, with all its brand new challenges, has given me another chance to expand my mind. I feel so thankful that I don't have to suffer the way some have to suffer. I'm a healthy young woman with the ability to work from home. I still have my friends and family with me, even if we're far away.

For those of us with lots to celebrate, let's do so safely. It's respectful not only to those who aren't so fortunate but also to ourselves and our loved ones. While we all wish we could greet each other with a hug, physical contact is not the only way to show affection. Keeping each other safe and healthy is the greatest demonstration of love.

It's okay to not feel grateful.

This year has been brutal for some people. After a year filled with countless blows, you might feel like there's not much left to be grateful for.

The following advice isn't coming from an expert but a fellow human. I'm not a mental health professional and I don't know what it's like to be one of the people who has been affected so severely by the pandemic. But I do know what it's like to be kicked when I'm down. I know that when I'm in the midst of an emotional episode, being told to be grateful only makes me feel worse. When I'm depressed, I can't even get up. Being unable to do something as "easy" as feeling gratitude feels awful.

So be gentle with yourself and allow yourself to feel the way you do. If you're too heartbroken to allow gratefulness in, it's okay. Don't feel pressured to make the most of this Thanksgiving and step away from social media if it's taking a toll on you. Your feelings are valid. Just get through in whatever way you can.

Benefits of Houseplants

When I feel anxious or stressed, I go to the nearest hiking spot and follow the paths through various trees and foliage. It only takes a minute before my breath deepens and my mind clears.

It’s no secret that nature has positive effects on us. Some doctors are even prescribing houseplants as an anxiety treatment. When you bring a plant into your home, nature becomes part of your everyday life and your mind and body will thank you.

Here are some benefits of houseplants:

• Plants improve air quality by producing oxygen and reducing toxins. Fresh air improves mood, productivity, focus, and creativity. It can also help you avoid illness.
• Plants can help block out background noise from busy streets or annoying neighbors.
• Plants are aesthetically pleasing. They add color and life to a room, making them excellent decor.
• Taking care of a plant is a great hobby and can help take your mind off the things that are bothering you.
• Watching a plant grow is a rewarding experience. When you nurture a plant, it will love you back in its own little way.

Ready to add a plant to your home and start feeling calmer?

Here are 6 houseplants that help with anxiety.

*All plants listed except jasmine are toxic to dogs and cats, so please keep this in mind if you have pets!

1: Aloe Vera

Putting an aloe vera plant in a room can help purify the air of irritants like formaldehyde and benzene. Pure, clean air = less stress. 

When you cut open an aloe leaf, you can extract the gel and rub it onto burns and minor wounds. Aloe soothes the skin and promotes healing, making it a popular ingredient in skincare products.

Aloe is famously resilient, which is great news if you’re looking for something low-maintenance or have bad luck with plants. Ancient Egyptians noticed how hard it was to kill an aloe plant and gave it a nickname: the “plant of immortality.”

Self-Care and Anxiety Tips

Apply some aloe on your next self-care night and feel how your skin calms down. Notice your body’s ability and willingness to heal. Know that your mind can do the same.

Plant Care

Light

Try to keep it in bright, indirect light.

Temperature

Keep the plant around 55 - 80°F. Your home is probably already there.

Water

Water it every 3 weeks, and even more infrequently in the winter. Check that the soil is completely dry before watering it. Water deeply and thoroughly.

2: Lavender

Lavender is a popular essential oil and is a common ingredient in many bath and spa products. It’s known for its beautiful purple color and calming scent.

Studies have shown that the smell of lavender not only produces calmness in the brain, but it also lowers heart rate and blood pressure. 

Try keeping it in your bathroom. When you take a shower, the steam will reach the plant and unlock its aroma.

Self-Care and Anxiety Tips

Find a comfy position. Close your eyes, take some deep breaths, and breathe in the scent of lavender. As you exhale, imagine all your worries flowing out of your body and drifting away.

Plant Care

Light

Keep it in the brightest spot of the house, preferably a south-facing window. It needs a lot of light to thrive.

Temperature

In spring to mid-fall, keep the plant at 70°F during the day and 50 - 55°F at night. In late fall through winter, lower these temperatures by 5°.

Water

Water it when the top layer of soil becomes dry, but never let it dry completely.

3: Chamomile

Chamomile tea is my go-to drink before bed because it immediately relaxes my body and makes me sleepy. 

The sweet scent of chamomile is soothing. When consumed in tea form, the warmth adds to the calming sensation.

One study found that anxiety levels significantly decreased in people with Generalized Anxiety Disorder when they consumed chamomile every day. They had lower blood pressure and reported a better general sense of wellbeing.

Self-Care and Anxiety Tips

Make yourself a cup of chamomile tea before you go to bed - you can even use your own fresh flowers. Hop into some comfy clothes and sit down with a book or whatever makes you happy. Take time to sip your tea slowly and enjoy each moment.

Plant Care

Light

Ideally, place it in full sunlight near a south-facing window. At the least, make sure it gets partial sunlight.

Temperature

The plant should be kept at 65 - 80°F.

Water

Water it about once a week. Keep the soil moist but never wet.

4: Jasmine

Jasmine is another plant whose flowers emit a calming fragrance. It’s also consumed as tea.

Jasmine helps you get a peaceful night’s sleep, making it perfect for insomnia and nights when anxiety keeps you up. A full 8 hours of quality sleep will leave you feeling refreshed in the morning and do wonders for your anxiety.

Self-Care and Anxiety Tips

Place your jasmine plant beside your bed. Lay down, close your eyes, and inhale the flower’s scent. Relax the muscles in your body and focus on your breathing to clear your mind before falling asleep.

Plant Care

Light

Place the plant in direct sunlight if you can. Partial shade is okay for part of the day.

Temperature

Try to keep the temperature between 60 - 70°F.

Water

Water the plant a couple of times per week during the warmer months, when the top inch of soil feels dry. In the winter, once a week should be enough.

5: Snake Plant

Don’t let the name of this plant fool you. It won’t give you anxiety like a snake might! Snake plants make wonderful floor plants but also work on a tabletop or windowsill.

Snake plants are exceptional at cleansing the air. NASA found them fit to purify the air in space stations.

They also produce oxygen into the night, which boosts energy in a room. This can really help when your anxiety makes you feel drained.

They can also help relieve headaches, a common symptom of stress and anxiety.

Self-Care and Anxiety Tips

The next time you need an energy boost, sit by your snake plant and do some breathing exercises. Picture the plant providing you with energy. Know that it’s okay to take what you need.

Plant Care

Light

Snake plants will do fine in almost any light, but they do best in indirect light or partial shade.

Temperature

The plant does best between 70 - 90°F.

Water

Let the soil dry completely before watering it. In the winter, this may mean watering it as little as once a month.

6: Peace Lily

The aptly named peace lily offers several benefits. The most obvious is its beauty. It has white petals that stand up straight, a symbol of purity and hope. The flower is said to resemble the flag of surrender.

According to Feng Shui, the peace lily is perfect for the home or office because of its harmonious and peaceful energy. It rids the space of negative feelings and conflict.

As another plant on NASA’s list of top air purifiers, it does an exceptional job of removing toxins from the air. It also absorbs moisture in the air that may cause mold and other irritants. 

Self-Care and Anxiety Tips

Let the peace lily be a reminder of the peace and tranquility inside you. Every time you see it, take a few deep breaths and try to access that place.

Plant Care

Light

Peace lilies are best kept in indirect light or shade. They can even survive in a windowless room if absolutely necessary.

Temperature

The ideal temperature is 65 - 85°F. It thrives in humidity.

Water

Water the plant at least once a week and don’t let the soil dry fully. If the plant starts to droop a little, it’s time to water it.

Sciatica sucks.

Maybe you have a herniated disc. Perhaps it’s spinal stenosis. Whatever the source of your nerve pain is, it can be a real problem that interferes with your daily life. Luckily, there are ways you can find relief from your sciatica pain, from conservative methods at home to more invasive treatments.

*Always check with your doctor before trying any exercises. This guide is not a replacement for seeing a medical professional.

1. Stretching and Yoga

Stretching is an excellent way to feel instant relief. You can do it every morning and night, as well as several times throughout the day. Some stretches and yoga poses for sciatica pain include:

Lying twist

Lie down on your back. Bend both knees at a 90 degree angle and drop them to one side, then stretch out your arms and turn your head to the opposite side. Keep both shoulders on the ground. Switch sides.

Targets: Glutes, chest, obliques

Figure-4 stretch (lying, seated, or standing)

Lying down: Lie on your back and cross one leg over the other so that the ankle is near the knee. Thread your arm through the loop in the “4” and gently pull your leg toward you, using the crossed leg to create resistance. Switch sides.

Sitting: In a chair, cross one leg over the other so that the ankle is near the knee. Lean forward and use your arms to gently push down on the top leg. Switch sides.

Standing: Stand with one leg bent and the other crossed on top. Use your arms to gently push down on the top leg. Switch sides.

Targets: Hips, lower back, glutes

Pigeon pose

Get on all fours, and then bend one leg and slowly lower your body. Place the outside of the knee on the floor by your wrist. Extend the other leg behind you so that it is flat on the floor. Next, either keep your hands on the floor, raise them and look up, or outstretch them on the floor in front of you and fold your body forward. Keep your hips square to the front. Switch sides.

Targets: Glutes, hips

Butterfly stretch

Sit with your legs outstretched, and then bend your knees and bring the bottoms of your feet together. Use your arms to gently push your knees toward the floor - it’s okay if they don’t touch the floor. Hold your feet with your hands and bend your body forward, keeping your back straight.

Targets: Hips, inner thighs

Child’s pose

Sit on your heels, and then open your knees while keeping your big toes together. Bring your body forward until your forehead touches the floor while reaching your arms out in front of you. 

Targets: Back, hips, chest

There are many free gentle yoga videos on YouTube that allow you to follow along. Some are even created specifically to relieve sciatic nerve pain. Here’s one to start with.

Always move with care when you stretch and don’t push yourself too hard. If you start to feel pain, stop immediately. While a little discomfort may be normal, pain is not.

2. Foam Rolling and Massages

Foam rolling has been called the “poor man’s massage” because it’s a great way to relax your muscles and stimulate blood flow using nothing but a foam roller. Foam rollers can be very affordable and don’t take up much space.

They come in different lengths and some have smooth surfaces, while others have bumps to give you an extra massage.

There are plenty of YouTube videos that you can follow along with, like this one for lower back pain relief. The basic idea is to put weight on the roller and roll back and forth to give yourself a massage. You can even do it while watching TV or reading a book.

The back is a sensitive area, so be very careful when foam rolling your back. You should also avoid going over joints.

3. Strength Exercises

While stretching and foam rolling feel good, the relief is only temporary. If you want lasting results, you’ll need to strengthen your back, hips, glutes, and abs. This will reduce the amount of stress you’re putting on your spine and improve your posture. Doing strength exercises consistently also helps reduce the risk of injury in the future. Here are a few strength exercises to try:

Planks and side planks

Get on all fours. Extend both legs behind you and balance on your toes. Lower your torso by putting your elbows on the floor, and hold yourself up. Keep your back straight and parallel to the floor.

Targets: Abs, back, chest, shoulders, glutes, quads, calves

Quadruped arm/leg raises

Get on all fours, and then raise one arm straight in front of you and parallel to the floor. At the same time, straighten the opposite leg and raise it behind you, also parallel to the floor. Switch sides.

Targets: Glutes, hamstrings, abs, lower back, shoulders

Bridges

Lie down on your back with knees bent and feet flat on the floor. Keeping your shoulders on the floor, raise your pelvis until a straight line is formed from your knees to your shoulders.

Targets: Glutes, hamstrings, lower back, hips

Lunges

Stand and take a step forward. Lower your body, bending your front leg to a 90 degree angle. Switch sides.

Targets: Glutes, hamstrings, quads

Back extensions

Lie on your stomach. Raise your head, arms, and shoulders. At the same time, raise your legs.

Targets: Back, abs, glutes, hips, shoulders

You should also keep up a healthy level of general activity. Walking and swimming are perfect low-impact activities that will get you moving.

4. Cold/Hot Packs

Hot and cold therapy is a safe way to relieve pain quickly, as long as you don’t overdo it. 

Heat encourages blood flow and healing while cold lowers inflammation. One may work better for you than the other. Sometimes, alternating hot and cold works wonders.

When applying heat or ice, make sure to wrap the pack in a towel or provide some other barrier to the skin. Place it on your lower back and hold it there for 15 to 20 minutes. You can do this several times per day.

5. Meditation and Breathing

Our brains are often more powerful than we think. It’s surprising how much we can change just by focusing on the right things and visualizing ourselves pain-free. 

This is partly because when we’re anxious, we tense up our bodies and are more likely to feel physical pain. Achieving calmness through meditation and breathing exercises can sometimes be enough to relax our bodies and ease our pain.

If the idea of meditation intimidates you or if you find it too hard to sit in silence, starting with a guided meditation might help. There are lots of free podcasts and other resources that are geared towards beginners, such as this one for pain relief.

6. Medications

There are many over-the-counter pain relievers that can help you manage your pain. Acetaminophen, aspirin, and NSAIDs such as ibuprofen are often enough to make you feel better. For more severe pain, you can talk to your provider about prescription pain relievers.

As always, make sure to follow dosage instructions and check for interactions with any other medications you take.

7. Steroid Injections

If you’re looking for relief that can last up to several months, consider getting an epidural cortisone injection. This is a quick and simple procedure where medication is injected directly into your back near the nerve roots.

Cortisone injections don’t work for everyone, but if they work for you, you should feel relief immediately. Keep in mind that this is a short-term solution and won’t fix the cause of your pain. The relief lasts anywhere from a week to a year, with an average of 3 months. You can receive injections up to three times per year if needed. The risk is low with this treatment. The most common complication is infection, but this happens in less than 1% of cases.

8. Surgery

If you’ve tried every other method and your pain is still unmanageable, you may be looking at surgery. 

Surgery techniques vary based on the cause of your sciatica. One of the most common methods is used to treat a herniated disc. It is a minimally invasive procedure called a microdiscectomy, where a surgeon removes a small amount of material to take pressure off the nerve root.

Surgery is an option you should consider carefully because it comes with several serious risks. If your pain is acute, moderate, or doesn’t affect your life severely, it might be best to stick with the other remedies on the list. But if your pain has been persistent and is interfering with your ability to live your life, it’s a worthwhile option.

Updated: February 2021

Journaling is the act of recording your thoughts and feelings. You can do it through words, images, videos, symbols, or whatever works for you. There are no rules, although it’s best to journal daily to get the most benefit.

Journaling is a healthy way to manage stress, anxiety, and depression by providing a place to express yourself freely and safely. After journaling for a while and looking back on your entries, you’ll start to learn more about yourself. It can help you track your goals, identify stressors and bad habits, and clarify issues in your life. If you let it, it can help you become a better person. It can also improve your writing, creativity, and memory.

If you like the experience of physically writing down your thoughts, you can start an old-fashioned diary or bullet journal. If you prefer the convenience of a digital journal or need guidance to get started, try out these 8 beautifully designed daily journaling apps with a focus on mindfulness and wellbeing. They all offer a free version.

Jour

iOS only

Jour is a highly personalized wellness tracking app, gathering insights for you after you’ve journaled for a few days. This allows you to identify trends in your life and figure out how to make things better. It provides you with content that is tailored to you based on how you’re feeling and what activities you’ve done that day.

Best for:

• Those who want a solid app overall with basic guided journaling features and personalized insights

Daylio 

iOS and Android

Daylio allows you to track your mood without writing anything. Select your mood and activities for the day, and then look back to identify trends. Discover what makes you happy and what you should get rid of.

Best for:

• Those who don’t have a lot of time and want a simple app to help them log their feelings with a few taps

Perspective

iOS only

Perspective’s goal is to keep things simple and accessible. As such, there’s only one version of the app and it’s free. You can write entries including photos, as well as track your moods and activities over time.

Best for:

• Those looking for a totally free app with basic journaling capabilities

Moodnotes

iOS only

Moodnotes is built upon the beliefs of cognitive-behavioral therapy. It aims to help you track your mood and thoughts, identify negative thinking patterns, and develop positive habits to increase your wellbeing over time.

Best for: 

• Those whose main focus is noticing and improving mood through cognitive-behavioral therapy

Stoic

iOS only

Stoic is more than just a wellness journal app. At the beginning, middle, and end of your day, it provides you with personalized messages and exercises to do. Exercises include guided journaling, visualization, meditation, and breathing.

Best for:

• Those looking for an all-in-one wellness app or those with an interest in stoicism and its philosophies

Grid Diary

iOS and Android

Grid Diary presents your diary entries in a customizable grid to help you focus on the parts of your life that are in need of extra attention. Guided prompts and templates help you get started on those days when you don't know what to say.

Best for:

• Those looking for a unique grid diary format complete with several wellness-focused and goal-oriented features

Reflectly

iOS and Android

Reflectly tailors your experience based on what it learns about you and your goals through your diary entries. It harnesses the powers of positive psychology, mindfulness, and cognitive-behavioral therapy to help you reach a new level of self-care.

Best for:

• Those who want a highly personalized app that uses artificial intelligence to help you reflect.

Journey

iOS and Android

Journey provides a guided journal with several different coaching programs to follow. The free version offers many capabilities and the paid version syncs beautifully with other devices on their desktop and web apps.

Best for:

• Those looking for a powerful app that includes tagging, guided journals, and multi-device support

I was never an athletic person, but I started working out a lot after college. In 2016, I was doing squats when I noticed some pinching pain in my right buttock. It was minor, so I ignored it and continued working out. Six months later, I realized that might have been a mistake. I felt a strange pain shooting down the back of my right leg, all the way into my foot. After a few minutes, my entire leg felt numb. Needless to say, I was scared and I knew I had to see a doctor.

An MRI confirmed that I had a herniated disc in my lower back. One of the rubbery discs between my spine's vertebrae partially slipped out and was pushing against my sciatic nerve. The sciatic nerve runs from the lower back all the way down the leg and into the foot. When it becomes compressed, it causes a condition called sciatica. This is what led to the pain, tingling, and numbness I felt in my leg.

I cried a lot. I'd been having symptoms for a long time, so it looked like the problem was not going to resolve itself like it does for most people. Doctors told me not to engage in high impact activities or things that would aggravate the nerve. Did that mean I had to give up some of my favorite activities forever? Did it mean I could no longer dance, the one form of exercise I enjoyed? I was only 23 years old and I almost felt like my life was over.

Looking back now, I can see the ways my herniated disc experience was a bit of a blessing in disguise. It's almost like it had to happen in order to stop unhealthy thoughts and behaviors that I wasn't even aware of.

I've been living with my herniated disc for over four years. I still get sciatica flareups every now and then. And while it's not ideal, it's not the end of the world.

Here are a few of the things it taught me.

What I was doing to myself was not self-love.

My injury forced me to see the truth. I was able to identify the real reason I was working out. My main motivation wasn't to be healthier or stronger. It wasn't to feel better. I'm not even sure it was to look better.

My main motivation was to prove that I wasn't a lazy, aimless piece of shit.

I was really unhappy after college. All my life, I had been working toward something - good grades, graduation, landing a job. After I achieved all that, I felt lost. I didn't know what I wanted. I had no goals. My job wasn't challenging enough. So I started going to the gym every day to give myself a purpose. But it wasn't "I have to go to the gym because I want to get fit." It was "I have to go to the gym or else my entire life will be meaningless and I'll have no reason to get up in the morning."

Some of the time, I did enjoy working out. I love dancing. But a lot of the time, I dreaded my workouts. During those moments, it wasn't determination that kept me going. It was anger and self-hatred. I didn't treat myself with the same gentleness that I would give someone else. If I was feeling tired, I would never allow myself to take a break. I'd call myself names. On bad days, I saw working out as a punishment that I deserved.

So when I felt that initial twinge of pain in 2016, I ignored it. I was afraid that if I took a break, I would get too comfortable and never get back in shape. I had to keep going because if I didn't, I was a failure. Pushing myself that hard had to be good for me.

But my mindset was all wrong.

This experience taught me that things don't work out when your motivation comes from a place of negativity. If I hadn't treated myself so harshly, maybe the injury could have healed. I may not have even gotten the injury in the first place.

I wasn't helping myself. I was hurting myself.

It's important to treat your body with the respect and care it deserves.

I don't know about you, but when it's time to work out, I want to jump in and start immediately. I'm either bursting with energy or I just want to get it over with, so I want to skip stretching and warming up.

But I think one mistake that led to my injury was starting with intense workouts without easing into them. I went from not exercising at all to exercising 5-7 days a week, usually for over an hour. I pushed myself too hard and too quickly. Sometimes I didn't warm up at all.

Now every time I have the urge to skip my stretches and warmups, I remind myself of what my body needs. It's easy to focus on the activities that will directly burn calories or build muscle. But you can't reach these goals properly without making sure your body is ready to go. Stretching is not optional. Not only does it prepare your muscles for the workout ahead, but regular stretching can help reduce injury in the long term.

My body takes care of me, so it's only right that I take care of my body.

Goals are reached through repetition and perseverance over time.

After I stopped working out, it took about four months before I started to notice weight gain. I repeat: I stopped exercising completely and did not change my diet for four months, and I barely gained weight.

I couldn't believe it. It really put everything into perspective for me.

All those times I felt racked with guilt for skipping one workout? Totally pointless. The times I felt like crying because I overate on Christmas? Not worth it.

Actions (or inactions) add up over time. Missing a single workout or overeating one time is not going to fuck everything up. It will vary from person to person, but for me and my personal body goals, it took four months. That's a lot of wiggle room. Don't beat yourself up over something that hardly matters. It's totally okay to take a break and enjoy yourself. You may be able to do it more often than you think.

Sometimes there is no answer and we have to be okay with that.

Over the years, I've been to countless appointments with several different doctors, looking for advice on what to do. I've been to physical therapy. I've gotten two cortisone shots in my back. I've considered surgery. I've overthought my movements and activities so much that I avoid doing much of anything, and I start to feel immense sadness about the things I can no longer do. I wanted someone to tell me how to make my life normal again. Nobody could give me an answer.

Surprisingly, after all that, the thing that has worked best for me is to just ignore it. As soon as I stopped obsessing over it, I felt better mentally and had less physical pain. Now, I take things one day at a time.

There are certain exercises and movements that I need to do with extra care. But other than that, I pretty much live life the way I want to. I dance even though I'm supposed to avoid high-impact activities. I attend concerts even though prolonged standing can lead to sciatic pain. I wasn't willing to give these things up, so I didn't.

I had to accept my situation and figure out a solution that worked for me. When I do things I'm not "supposed" to do, I do them knowing that I may aggravate the nerve. I understand that I may need to take a break, sit down, or stretch. I'd rather do what I want to do while accepting the risks than worry all the time and feel like I'm missing out on life. Either way, my herniated disc is not going to disappear, so why not make the best of it?

It's not a perfect solution because the perfect solution doesn't exist. But it's the best one I have, and I've learned to be okay with that.

I'll be honest. I don't like to work.

Given the choice between attending a meeting with my boss and sleeping until noon, I would pick the latter every time.

So when the self-care craze began a few years ago, I was thrilled. I kept seeing posts and articles about how I should take a day off and get my nails done. It's good for you, they said. Go ahead, you deserve it!

Here's the thing. It can be hard to remain disciplined and exercise self-control, especially if you work from home. I've spent so much time letting myself take the easy way out in the name of self-care. And I soon found myself asking the question: Am I practicing self-care or am I just being self-indulgent?

What is self-care?

Some people have this idea that self-care means shirking your responsibilities and having a spa day instead. But that's not what it's about, at least not completely. It took a lot of thinking for me to realize it, but the real definition of self-care is simple - it's caring for yourself. Let's look at what that really means...

It's about moderation and balance.

Self-care doesn't mean giving in to your every desire whenever you want to. Sometimes, that's the very opposite of self-care. If you eat half of that cake, you'll satisfy your mind. But how will your body react? Soon, you'll likely have a stomach ache. You probably won't feel nourished spiritually, either. Self-care needs to be holistic. Consider not only your mind but your body and spirit as well. Try to keep them all balanced.

It's about short-term vs. long-term joy.

Splurging on that handbag might feel good at the moment, but is it something that will bring you joy for years to come? Or will it sit in the back of your closet untouched? Even worse, will you feel guilty every time you see it?

Sometimes self-care is having a spa day when you're overworked and need a break. Sometimes it's staying in bed with your favorite book when you're having a bad day and really can't bring yourself to do anything else.

But sometimes it's organizing your room when the clutter is causing you stress. Sometimes it's pulling yourself out of bed when you know that sleeping too much will only make you feel sluggish.

Do the things that will make it easier for the future you to feel good. Depending on your situation, that may mean doing something pleasant or doing something a little less fun.

Self-indulgence is okay every now and then.

If you never let yourself do what you want, it could backfire. It's the same idea as a cheat day in the diet world. If you're never allowed to eat your favorite food, you'll start to crave it so much that you'll break. You'll eat ten times more than what you would have if you had let yourself have a treat once in a while.

So allow yourself that extra slice of pie on Thanksgiving, even if you know you don't need it. Cancel your plans and stay in, even if your only excuse is "I just don't feel like going." Buy that V.I.P concert ticket to see your favorite band, even if you have to dip into your savings a bit.

Happiness can be achieved in many ways. Life is too short to deny yourself happiness when the opportunity comes. You deserve to get that instant gratification rush every once in a while.

Stick to what you need to do most of the time, but occasionally, do what you want because life is meant to be enjoyed.

The takeaway...

Ask yourself why you're feeling bad. From there, figure out what you really need. What will nourish your mind, body, and soul? What will bring you closer to the person you want to be?

It can be a challenge to get right at first. I'm still learning. But I have a feeling that once I do, I'll notice a big difference in the way I feel.

I turned 27 last week, which freaks me out a little. Even though it's closer to 25 than to 30, in my head 27 = practically 30. And I know 30 is still super young, but I miss the days when I felt nothing but excitement about getting older.

My teens and early twenties were kind of a disaster. Now, I feel like I'm finally growing into who I'm meant to be. I still have a lot to learn, but here are 27 lessons life has taught me so far. Hopefully, these life tips will help others in their 20s.

1. You're going to die someday, so experience life and do the things you want to do.

It sounds morbid, but when getting out of bed is the last thing I want to do, I try to remember that I am going to die someday.

I think of the two people I knew who passed on before they were ready. They hadn't gone to prom, hadn't learned to drive, hadn't fallen in love. It's so unfair. They wanted to stay longer.

I think about how lucky I am to be here. I get to wake up every morning and that's amazing. It would be a shame to waste the opportunity to live.

This is number 1 for me because it's the only thing that never fails to sober me up and get me moving.

2. It's never too late to start something new.

As a kid, I was so shy and nervous that I didn't explore many activities. I quit soccer after one day because the coach wanted me to be the goalie and I was terrified. I quit swimming because a group of kids made fun of me. I quit dance after a few years because the teacher was too strict.

I'm making up for that now by trying new things and getting back into activities that I lost touch with. I enrolled in a community watercolor class, bought a dance class subscription, started playing tennis, made some YouTube videos, and rode a bike in Copenhagen. This last one was particularly scary, but instead of being ashamed to be an adult who hardly knew how to ride a bike, I remembered that everyone starts somewhere.

3. Stop feeling embarrassed about the things you like.

In college, people made fun of me for the music I liked to listen to. Those bands weren't "cool" anymore, they said. Because music was such a big part of my life, it affected me deeply. It felt like an attack on who I was. But I started to hide that part of me away.

Now, I honestly couldn't care less what people think.

A couple of years ago, I fell into k-pop. I undoubtedly would have hidden that when I was 18, but now I don't care who knows. I'm proud of the things I like because they're part of who I am, and I'm proud of who I am.

If something makes you happy and you aren't hurting anyone, then keep doing what you're doing. Fuck anyone who tries to bring you down.

4. Take care of your body.

I still need to work on this, especially the diet part. I eat way too much sugar and way too many french fries. But I'm doing okay.

I have a few herniated discs in my spine that cause me pain sometimes. I wake up with more aches and pains than I ever imagined I would at this age. My hearing isn't the best. My eyesight seems to keep getting worse and worse. If it's this bad now, what will it be like in 30 years?

I always make sure to stretch every day, exercise at least 5 days a week, and make doctor's appointments when I need to.

The earlier you form good habits, the better off you'll be.

5. Don't obsess over calories, and exercise with care.

Like a lot of women out there, I've struggled with body image. I've always been on the slim side, but in college, I put on more than a few pounds.

I got serious about losing weight 5 years ago. I only ate 700 calories during the day, and then I went to the gym and did cardio for an hour. When I got home, I did some strength exercises. Then I ate dinner and always had dessert. (Before I started working out every day, I had never been a sweets person).

This routine worked well for a while, but sooner or later I found myself feeling weak during my workouts. Sometimes I had to leave early. And then came the herniated disc and sciatica, and I started feeling weak outside of my workouts as well.

Years later, I still live with occasional sciatica pain and my body doesn't handle sugar normally.

I had pushed myself too hard. I went from working out 0 days a week to working out 6-7 days a week. Even after my body told me to slow down, I kept going at that pace. And I didn't eat enough to sustain me during the day.

It's important to be mindful of the food you're eating if you want to stay healthy. But there's a big difference between being mindful and being obsessive. When your motivation comes from a place of self-hate instead of self-love, things don't work out the way they should.

And it's just not worth it to painstakingly count every calorie. Several factors determine the number on the scale for any given day. Weight fluctuates all the time and no one will notice or care if you're 5 pounds lighter.

6. Do one tiny thing every day to make your life better.

If you read just one chapter or complete just one Duolingo lesson a day, then by the end of the year you'll have read tens of books and you'll be able to understand basic Chinese. It won't feel like much when you're doing it, but it will add up and you'll be better for it.

Slow progress is still progress.

7. It's okay if you're not being productive all the time.

Sometimes it's hard for me to do anything that's purely for pleasure without feeling guilty, and I have to remind myself that I deserve the downtime.

Maybe you shouldn't spend an entire weekend watching TLC, but if you want to shut your brain off for a few hours, allow yourself that basic right. Plus, ideas can come from anywhere, so who knows? Maybe you'll have your next one while watching The Office.

If you're having trouble, think of it this way: without rest, work suffers.

On days that I have a tight deadline and am flooded with work, I'll be honest, I don't do my best work. I try, but my brain isn't wired to work nonstop for hours without a break. No one's brain is. Rest is an essential part of getting things done.

8. Spend time connecting with family.

I didn't truly understand the importance of family until I left for college. I needed to get away from my parents to grow. Part of that growth included maturity. I became nicer and less moody around them. Now that I'm even older and have lived away from them for a few years, I always look forward to spending time with them.

It wasn't until after I graduated that I realized the importance of being close with my cousins, aunts, uncles, and grandparents. When my uncle passed away, we spent more time together and helped comfort each other. It made me realize how special it is to have a group of people who will always love you and be there for you. As I got older, the reality of my grandparents getting older also sunk in. They don't speak much English, but I'm making more of an effort to talk to them. I make sure to always hug them on their way out. Once, I got out a voice recorder and we talked about their lives. I have so much love and respect for them, especially after hearing what they've been through. And I think it's interesting and important to know where I came from.

9. Reach out to friends.

I only have a couple of friends I still talk to. The main reason why these friends have remained while others have faded away is because they've continually made an effort to keep in touch.

It's so easy to lose contact with friends once you're out of college. I live in Western MA and I have friends who live as close as Eastern MA and as far as California. When obligations no longer allow you to see each other regularly, you have to make plans to see each other.

I'm a bad texter and I don't message first as often as I should, but it's something I'm working on.

I've also been learning recently that it's okay to reach out to old friends, or even just acquaintances you used to know. Someone you hardly spoke to in high school could turn out to be really cool. Someone you got into a fight with in college could want to rekindle the friendship you had. People change. Even if it doesn't lead to lifelong friendship, I don't know anyone who wouldn't appreciate a nice note.

10. Stay away from toxicity.

If you don't want something to be part of your life, then get rid of it. You deserve to be happy. You don't need an excuse.

It's that simple.

11. It's okay to be alone.

In college, my friendship with my best friend dissolved. I didn't really have any other friends and I became depressed for a while.

During my junior year, I vowed to move on. I started doing things on my own that I would have been afraid to do alone before, like going to concerts or movies. I even went on a 2-week trip to Europe by myself. Eventually, I grew accustomed to it and I even came to prefer doing certain things alone.

The time I spent by myself taught me a lot about who I was. I think it was super important because it allowed me to trust myself and enjoy spending time with myself. I no longer felt like a loser without any friends, I was just a girl enjoying her own company.

12. Get off your fucking computer.

My internet addiction started with sites like MySpace. I spent way too much time online. Growing up, I would often spend all day in my room on my computer.

It taught me a few things, like basic HTML. It kept me up-to-date with the latest memes, which I could talk about with people in the real world. It helped me feel less alone at times.

But that only accounts for a portion of the time I spent online. I couldn't tell you what I did the rest of the time or what benefit it brought me. I wasn't moving, I usually wasn't having real conversations with people, and I wasn't trying new things. The amount of time I spent on my computer was massive compared to the value I got.

13. Spend more time outside.

I have fond memories of playing outside as a kid. Riding around on my Razor scooter, making snow angels in the winter, running through sprinklers in the summer, and playing flashlight tag with the neighborhood kids. I'm not sure when, but eventually, that stopped and I was spending all my time indoors in front of a screen.

I only really rediscovered the outdoors after college. Taking a simple walk around the block does wonders for my mood. Hiking is even better.

There's just something about being surrounded by fresh air and trees that instantly calms me down and makes me feel happier.

14. Keep a small journal for your future self.

I had a cute purple diary when I was little, which I filled with handwritten stories, thoughts, and souvenirs. As I got older, I started putting my thoughts and feelings on the internet in one form or another. In college, I tried taking a photograph a day and writing a short blurb at the end of each day. I wasn't able to keep it up all year, but I'm happy I have those memories to look back on.

Two years ago, I started using an app called 1 Second Everyday. Every day, I upload a one-second video. Then, on December 31st, I can watch my entire year in just over 6 minutes.

I've also returned to the idea of writing a short diary entry every day, and I've now made it a habit.

It has allowed me to see that my life isn't as boring as I think it is. It has helped me be more adventurous because I want to record something good for that day. It's made me realize how lucky I am and it's given me insight into the things that are important to me.

Plus, as I get older, I can feel my memory worsening. I'm a very sentimental person, so I know my future self will thank me for making these videos and diary entries.

15. That D you got on your history exam doesn't mean shit.

There are so many small things in life that feel like they're the end of the world when they have no bearing on your life in the long term.

I was a shy and insecure kid. In my mind, doing well in school was kind of the only thing I was good at. So imagine my horror when one day, I turned over my exam only to find a big red D at the top of the page. I still have nightmares about that class (and I'd argue that my poor performance wasn't totally my fault, but that's a discussion for another time).

The point is, at the time, the D felt like such a big deal. I was also pretty upset when I learned that my final grade for the class was a C, the worst I've ever gotten.

But guess what? I still got into college, I still found a job, and my family still loves me. I still see myself as a smart, capable, and talented woman even though I'm not an expert in early American history.

16. Stay up-to-date with big news stories.

I've never been a big news watcher. Teenage me found the news to be boring. Young adult me found it depressing.

But you can't just plug your ears and pretend the bad stuff isn't happening.

And as an adult, it's embarrassing AF to be in a room full of other adults talking about current events and to have no idea what they're referring to.

It's good to be aware of what's going on in the world, outside of your own little comfortable bubble.

17. Vote, and educate yourself on who you're voting for.

This is another thing I used to avoid. Politics either stressed me out or put me to sleep.

But I'm an adult with a voice and I don't have a choice anymore. I have to pay attention and help make this country a safe and inclusive place that I'm proud to live in.

Don't just vote for someone because your friends are telling you to. Do your research and form your own opinions. It matters.

18. Only good things come from being generous.

We could all use more money, but some of us need it more than others.

When it comes down to it, if I had to decide between helping children access clean water or treating myself to my fourth bubble tea of the week, the choice is obvious.

Also, it doesn't cost anything to give a compliment or tell someone that you're thankful for them.

Giving makes others feel good (and could help save lives). It also makes you feel good, so it's a win-win.

There are many easy ways to spread positivity, so if you're able, consider it.

19. Having a pet is awesome.

Growing up, I never had pets aside from a goldfish here or there, and a turtle I got from a sketchy cart in Chinatown (R.I.P.). My dad didn't want an animal roaming around the house.

So when I moved in with my boyfriend, I begged him for a cat until he gave in. She has brought so much joy to both of our lives.

When I'm having a bad day, all I have to do is look at her sleeping or eating or doing literally anything, and I'll get a little boost. And when she gives me head bunts, I'm in heaven.

20. Don't rush your travel.

When I was in middle school, I went on a cruise with my family. We stopped at each destination for less than a day. I hardly remember anything about each place.

If you're able to, I think 9 days is the absolute minimum you should take for a vacation. That gives you enough time to get settled a bit, do some of the touristy things on your list, and dive a little deeper into the culture. And you can do it all without feeling so rushed that you can't enjoy it.

21. Ask questions.

As a naturally timid person, I've avoided asking questions my whole life. If I thought there was any chance that I might annoy the other person, I tried to figure it out on my own. I only spoke up as a last resort.

But then I realized how much time I was wasting by doing this. I was also making myself look disengaged and uninterested.

No one expects you to know everything, and most of the time people love to help. It's better to ask questions when you have them instead of waiting so long that it becomes awkward to ask.

22. Confidence will get you 60% of the way there.

This is true with everything. Confidence will help you get that job offer, land that Tinder date, become a better dancer, you name it.

Having confidence and trust in yourself will lead to amazing things, even if you have to fake it at first. This is one of the most life-changing lessons I've learned.

23. Not everything is about you.

This one took me a long time to wrap my head around, and I still need reminders sometimes.

Because you are the center of your own world, it's easy to fall into the trap of thinking that you're more significant than you are.

Sometimes, this realization that the world doesn't revolve around you can be a hit to your ego.

Sometimes, it can help you feel better. Nobody remembers or cares about that embarrassing thing you did last week. Nobody has even noticed the pimple on your face. They're all busy thinking about themselves because they too are the centers of their own worlds.

24. Part of life is doing stuff you don't want to do.

If you've made it this far through the list, you've probably figured out that I have issues with motivation.

When I'm excited about something, I put 110% into it.

But when I'm not, good luck even getting me out of bed.

Sometimes when I'm laying there thinking about all the chores I have to do, the overdramatic version of me pops in and says, "I really have to clean the bathroom if I don't want to live in filth? I really have to work out every day if I want to stay fit? I don't know if I can live the rest of my life doing all this stuff I hate."

Eventually, I come to my senses and realize that I have no choice. It's no use complaining because it'll have to get done no matter what. It's not a matter of fair or unfair, it's just life. Don't make it harder than it is - just do it.

25. Be reckless sometimes.

YOLO. That's something kids still say, right...?

It's true, though. I'm not advising you to be stupid, but some of my best memories are of things I did that I wasn't supposed to be doing. That's all I'll say for now. 🙂

26. You can be whoever you want to be.

We are always evolving throughout our lives.

There's no rulebook that prohibits you from becoming someone else at any point during your life. If you don't like the path you're on, you can change direction.

You deserve to be a person that you love.

27. Remember that you will always be okay.

When I was struggling the most, I sought out resources offering advice on what to do. 99% of the time, I left feeling worse than I did at the beginning. For whatever reason, I felt like I just couldn't do the things people were telling me to do, which made me frustrated and angry with myself.

I'm not quite sure what happened, but one day I woke up with a surge of energy. Suddenly, it all made sense and I was ready to do what was necessary. It was almost like I was on autopilot for a while. I think I just got so fed up with being miserable that my brain said, "enough," and snapped out of it. This has happened twice in my life.

Now, whenever I'm anxious about something big, I remind myself that I'm capable of handling whatever life throws at me. Sometimes you just have to take life a day at a time and trust that things will work out.

Maybe I just got lucky, but I do believe that most people want to be happy so bad that they'll find a way to do it, even if they aren't aware of it.

Life will teach you the lessons you need to learn. Don't stress about figuring it all out right away. Life is long and full of chances. It's all good.

In Conclusion

People say your 20s are some of the roughest years of your life. For many, it's the first time you're out on your own and you have no idea what you're doing or what you want. But I guess that's also kind of the beauty of it. You get to figure it out.